cold hands and heart

Her hands were always cold. 

As if there were ice running through those deep blue veins.

Not that her hands were any indication of her heart. 

But maybe they were. 

Maybe they are. 

Broken veins that tell her body that if her heart stops beating, 

they'll bleed the same way. 

Her hands were always cold. 

She always tells you. 

As if there was something you can do. 

But you can't because you can't change someone's heart. 

and she wonders,

If her hands will always be cold.

our love was a natural disaster.

We'd drive through the canyon and you'd be bothered by the silence.  I'm sorry for that,  but there was just something about nature that couldn't be ignored.

My mind got lost looking at pine tree covered forests,

the way my eyes got lost looking at you. 

I loved you the way I love overcast days.

The amount of tears could've flooded my basement if we let them.
Because I cried to you more times than it had rained all year that July.

Arguments as disastrous as hurricanes.

A touch that spread through my body like a wildfire.

Loud laughs that could've been mistaken for earthquakes.

Goodbyes that hit like a tsunami. 

And a love that was a natural disaster itself,

I was unprepared when it happened so unexpectedly. 

still remembers.

she paints her nails dark, to match her mood. 

"Death is a tragic thing" she thinks to herself. 

she remembers...

She remembers the day she found out.

She thinks about the rounds and rounds of chemo that were supposedly helping.

but mostly just hurting....

Because they failed to mention that a side effect of chemo is 

change in personality. 

The words "3-6 months" play out in her head. 

She feels lucky that she got 8 months more than expected. 

She remembers the hugs getting shorter.

She's reminded of the smell of hospital rooms. 

She remembers lying awake wondering
when?

She remembers getting the accidental text supposed to go to her mom, saying

 "I'm so sorry to hear that he passed away."

Its been two years now. 

And she still remembers.